Responsibility or burden?

I'm the eldest in the family. But I never act like one. Until recently, I finally took over the necessary role that I should have done all along...or at least, I tried too.
Mum hadn't much compliments in store for me. Who am I to blame her for the lack of encouragement? What right do I have for this? Even if I tried, I'm not always consistent...in trying itself! Sometimes, I lapsed into laziness again. How could mum place her utmost confidence in me?
I'll always play second fiddle to my younger sister.
And how could I assure and convince my mum, when even  I was uncertain myself?
Despite being abashed and quiet, that is only the exterior, and what my family and close friends and relatives saw, but in truth, I am as loud as I could be.
Worse, I am all talk and no act. Just like blogging, I'm sure I gave you the impression of being noble and resposible, of able to own up my mistake and reprimanding myself publicly. I would promise, valiantly, to change, but at the click of my mouse to publish each new post, I would revert to my old self.
Again and again, I would wait and wait, unwilling to give up the pleasant feeling of still able to fool around and not have a care in the world. It became ever more tantalising and ever more tempting each time, as the years go by, and realization dawned on me that soon, very soon, all too soon, I would have to give it all up...It was heart-wrenching, and fear, uncertainty set ablaze on my soul.
This few months, going by ever more quickly, are the only small, tiny and ever more shrinking, relish that I would only have left in this final year. But it would all soon to be pass ever more quickly as I'll grow more busy in this short time I have left.
I have never been so understanding, so mature, so wise (not to boast) before in my life, as I sat down, thinking and knowing that, no matter how many times I'd pushed responsibility onto others in the past, now I no longer have the luxury of doing that. My family's life and future is at stake and they depend on me.
Never have I in my life felt so guilty and apologetic to my sister for pushing her to be the eldest child that I should have been. I thought I had purposely make myself feel guilty to push myself to shoulder the responsibility, but as I sat here blogging with tears rolling down my cheeks, I am glad to find out that was not true.
To the young me, responsibility used to be a burden, a heavy chain that weighed you down. But, now, I realize, that definition is not even close.
Responsibility is a beautiful gift that you could ever have had in your whole life. It marks the absolute trust, the total faith, the utmost respect and unconditional belief in you, to have you in charge of this responsibility.
And when you delivered the job wonderfully and successfully, it is not satisfaction of acknowledgement and affirmation, but the fulfillment that you could love unconditionally to make sacrifices that came with responsibility...
Because love is the greatest gift you could give to anyone, and love is the most wondeful gift you could receive.
The fear and uncertainty I had felt wasn't because that I would lose my freedom for responsibility.
It was because I might let my family down, if I fail.
My family, especially mum, are now often worried that I would change and let everyone down.
I couldn't assure her, because I am uncertain too. I am afraid.
God, please give me the courage and confidence.
God, please help me.
God, please allow me to suceed.
Please God.
Thank you.
Amen.

I'm giddy with happiness because...

...*drumroll*...*cymbals* I PASSED my driving test. Hell, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To pay tribute to this such 'memorable' and 'historical' day, I decided to post a recap of  it (without the photos, unfortunately):

The standard driving test (for car only) consists of two parts, with first part comprising of driving up a small hill, side parking etc., and second part where would-be drivers drive on the road under supervision. It was nerve-racking initially, as expectations were piled on me to pass on the first go (all mine as I do NOT want to go through the same nightmare again; though, my parents were also quite hopeful). It escalated when the first few drivers failed the hill part.
I did twice and scraped through...only to have my car engine died. A few times. God was on my side, and Lady luck smiled on me...and I PASSED, PASSED, the first part.
Then came the second part. I did okay until I reached my first junction. I had to turn into the WRONG lane!!!!!!!!!!!! It was simply grosteque. *Grimace*And the instructor scat on me. Then it tuen okay until I reached a stop sign. I slowed down and then felt that it was too slow. Fearing I would stop too far from the white line, I steeped on the accelerrator a little bit...and the car went off too fast, which led to an amateur emergency brake by me, inviting another bout of reprimand. Then things went okay until on the return. Afraid that I would forget to put on the signal, I put it on immediately...except it was still a long way from the junction. The instructor whipped his head 90 degrees to me, eyes boggling, went, "Where do you think you're going, missy?!" I went meekly, "I wanted to turn in..." "Do you realise that it's STILL a long way?!" I meekly turned it off.
Shockingly, I still passed.

Phew, what a day.

Dearest Corpsie Kryptonite...

...First, I would like to apologize for my lack of acknowledgement upon your new arrival to my blog as a brand new follower! Yipeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem...pardon my insolence.
I am absolutely esctatic that you would deem my blog excellent enough to want to faithfully follow each of my blog posts. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My appreciation and gratitude was a little late in coming (in written form only; I was really absokutely gratified and pleased the moment I saw you on my list of followers) as I have been going through some kind of emotionally overwhelming events that got me occupied and somewhat distracted...
I know it's no excuse. But, better late than never, they say. I hope you think so too.
Anyway, warmest welcome to you as the newest 'family' member!!!!!!!
At here, my blog, you are free to comment however and whatever you like, and as often as you wish...In fact, I beg you, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Write as much as possible...I would love to learn more about you, and absolutely love your wild ideas, opinions and standings on life.
Once again, thank you for bringing joy to me. Love ya.
Finally...aloha! (as in Lilo and Stitch)

Reminiscence-When all else fails, there's hope.

Remember when I told you that I once was often shunned by other peers?
Despite the constant psychological bullying, I never failed to stop keep looking on the bright side.
I was the typical happy-go-lucky girl; nothing seemed to able dampen my spirits.
Everything always looked good to me. I was always happy and satisfied.
Though...I wonder...when has all this gone down to...?
My situation right now had improved greatly, yet I wasn't always satisfied.
I always wanted more...Probably I got what I worked for, and for a moment I felt relief and some pride, but soon, I was unsatisfied.
I wanted more.
Worse, I was often desperate, low in spirit. Like in An end...or a new beginning?
I lose hope.
Of course, once again, books brought a new understanding and teaching to me, bringing me in terms with myself.
And shockingly, that book was The Host by Stephanie Meyer.
It's true, what a man is, if there's no hope in him?
What could be left of him, if even he himself does not believe looks down on himself?
If there's no hope, no one could make it happen.
Here's something I had read somewhere: "When you believe, you're already halfway there."

Lesson no. 2 from The Host: Believe in yourself, and you can do it.

Sometimes, the unexpected happens...

Recently, our world seemed to be boiling over with the vampire craze.
Everywhere were..."Are you Team Jacob?" "We love Edward!"
Duh. You know the drill.
Of course, there's Harry Potter. But that's another story.
I didn't really like Twilight...Wait a minute...Hold it...Chill...please...
Let me finish this.
It's kinda sweet, but...halfway through Eclipse, I surrendered.
My friend (NOT me!) said it was corny. Well...I...have nightmares.
Okay, hold your laughter, please don't laugh! I just can't help it, but every time I read a book or watch a movie (especially horror movies) about vampires, I couldn't help feeling a pair of very sharp canines about to sink themselves into my sensitive and delicate neck.
Well, you get the picture.
However, true, that didn't stop me from reading Don't Let The Right One In.
So, you can see, this isn't the MAJOR SOLE reason.
Erm...HEY!..by the way, Twilight didn't gave me one. Not even a goosebump.
Truth is *Shrug* the problem with Twilight is :The love story's just too sappy. It's too unbelievable.
*Shrug* Sorry.
Top it all, the action is pretty bland...there's nothing to distract me from th eicky sweetness of love...and *sigh* love's just everywhere. You can't even get a break.
So, when I see The Host by Stephanie Meyer on the shelves in a library, I wasn't very much interested, despite the very much short intriguing narrative on the back of the book.
But...long holidays could be quite boring so I decided to give it a try.
I think you probably get it now: it was...well...fascinating.
It's still full of love, but the kind of sacrificial love that hauntingly forever etches on your mind.
"A fantastic, inventive, thoughtful, and powerful novel. The Host will keep you reading well into wee hours of night, and keep you thinking, deeply, hauntingly, well after the final word." -----Ridley Pearson, author of Killer Weekend
You know what? I did read the book until almost three in the morning, and I would have keep on to finish it if my mom was not on the 'lookout' for me.
Stephanie Meyer really did opened up my eyes for me.
Today's lesson: Don't judge the book by its cover. (Pardon the pun)
By the way, also read the Don't Let The Right One In.
It did gave me the extra goosebumps and of course the necessary aldrenaline rush.
Of course, the love story is as haunting and eerily beautiful as it could be.
They are unexpectedly awesome!

p/s. Dear ElizabethInProgress, now you get my book review!

Choices are...

...strange things?
Things that you can never understand fully.
They are like occasional gifts , of which you made up your mind, very quickly, that you wanted it, you desire it, you simply have to have it, and yet...when you have it, you can't make up your mind. Because you can only pick one. You can't have them all.
Okay, I do agree that my explanation, or rather, a very poor attempt of mine to define what choices are, are pretty confusing.
Actually, what I'm trying to say is, choices are options. They are composed of many things. Defining many: at least more than one.They are a collections of things (pardon my repititive use of the vocabulary 'things') for you to choose from, pick from...having possesion of only one from those things (sorry).
Summarising: Remember a time when your parents will give you one thing which they decide to give, and you would want others that you'd laid your eyes on and decided you want it, but you can't have it because you aren't given the choices. Then, there comes a time when your parents gave you the choices, within a budget limit of course, and you can't make up your mind which one you wanted...because you want them all.
Us as humans are pretty greedy, don't you agree?
Then...choices become easier to pick (at least for me) along the years, of which I make according to mood.
But then, they are supposed to, aren't they, as you realize those choices aren't that life-threatening or that disastrous if you don't have them all. And when you can convince yourself that it is okay to not have them all, soon you don't have that urge to have to have them all.
However, again, as time passes, choices that laid out before you grown in significance. They become factors that can change the course of your life.
I'm a Science Stream student (definition: my studies are based on Science), and this fact is soon going to be a thing of a past. I've to admit, I have some tiny uneasy qualms about it. While science does not exactly filled me up with a passionate desire, I do have a somewhat piqued interest for it. And I couldn't help questioning my choice to switch to another stream. Reasons: 1. The prospect of studying new subjects is pretty daunting to me. 2. I'm going to have to face the possibility of less spectacular results (not that my previous results were that good). 3. I'm going to study subjects that are, maybe, going to be more boring than previous subjects (though I kept telling myself this could be invalid as the opposite might occur).
But, of course, I've weighed my pros and cons, and made my decision, so further pondering is not going to shake it ( though I do hope I feel more confident than I sound).
But this is not the main point.
The main point is: next year, I'm going to have to be a lot more independent than this year. I'm going to have to learn to cook, drive, work, do my chores, and study, all juggled perfactly in an organised schedule, of which I'm afraid I'm not capable of doing.
In truth, to correct my foremost declaration, choices aren't hard to make. As you can see, I'd already made up my mind, and quite early on too.
It's the courage to carry out the chosen choice that's hard.
You'd already made the decision, picked the choice, but you don't know if you're going to make it happen. If it's going to work out as you envisioned it to be.
Still...I might be worried, but that's not going to change my mind.
Because this is my one life-changing decision. It marks the takeoff point of my flourishing and success...or the plunging point of my downfall.  
And...if I don't take up that challenge, I am sure to go for a downfall.
Putting it that way, it's not much of a risk then, and it seems so much more manageable.
I'm doing it, and I'll suceed.
I CAN, I MUST, I WILL.

An end...or a new beginning?

It's ages since I written on my blog.
I've to admit, I was very much surprised that there were some of you who'd still took the trouble to check out my blog, despite my...'laziness'?
Thank you to each of you.
Partly, very small partly, I am lazy, but, mostly, it was because I lost that drive to write after the long break. It felt like the burning fire inside me whenever I write, the stimulating fire that consumed me each time I write, the feverish excitement everytime I blog, had died. Disappeared. Vanished. Gone. Suddenly, I'm left an empty shell, lost, forlorn, uncertain. I lost my inspiration...my muse had deserted me to face my incapability and hopelessness, and worse, I lost my faith, my confidence in myself.
I'd no idea what to do with myself at all.
Worse, even if I do, nobody cares. That thought left me spiralling into a bigger depth of despair.
It was bad, very bad.
Just a few days before my such state hit me, I'd been all fired up, all fresh for a new start after the long, tiring and boring break. I'd updated 'About My Blog' and even carefully, meticulously written up a description of my blog. I've gotten much clearer about the path I wanted to take, with my blog. I realized, during the break (yup, at that time I was pretty much addicted to my blog, eventhough I'm not supposed to), that I was much too vague about what I wanted my blog to do.
The blog started off as a means for me to better express and manage my feelings, and of course, to further enhance my writing skills. Later, it became much more than that as I began to have followers (though not much to boast off) and wider readership. I realized it'd started to mean too much to me to be just a tool, and I wanted it to have an influential power, and garnered the hallmarks of a great blog, making it into 'Blogs Of Note'. I'm far from making it big, but that doesn't mean I couldn't dream big.
So when my sorry state kicked in, and started to wear me doen, bringing my spirit, ambitions down, I began to feel that perhaps I couldn't and wouldn't make it after all. I just don't have the talents, the making in me. I should just have given up.
(Was it just a few months ago that I'd written Satisfaction is where you find it? How different I'd been then. Humans change much, often and a lot. I'm an example.)
So, what made me changed my mind?
The book 'Like the Flowing River'. That goes to show how books can change a life, and how it had always took part in the malkings of my life, never failing. Not even once.
It was the chapter 'The pianist in the shopping mall' that gave me a wake-up call. It told me, it's a lie when I think no one is reading my blog, and that nobody cares, even God.
Because God cares. God listens. God understands. And God help you, guide you, in no ways you can comprehend, when you're unaware.
"God is in the soul,  and in 'my mind, my heart, my passion, my love,  my dream', because 'I am' giving the very best of 'myself'. "
"We, each of us have our personal legend to fulfill, and that is all. It doesn't matter if other people support us or criticize us, or ignore us, or put up with us-we're doing it because that is our destiny on this earth, and the fount of all joy."
"Whenever we feel that no one is paying attention to whay we're doing, let us think of that pianist. He was talking to God through his work, and nothing else mattered."
So am I. And that's enough.
Whenever you feel the same as I do, read a book. Read this book. Perhaps you will find something unexpected along the way, and come to terms with yourself, just like me. Best of luck.

Grace-ing my life

As the years gone by, they went faster.
It seems funny, but it felt like I had started a new school year yesterday. And today was the end of the year.
Weird. Surreal.
But...it IS the end of the year. And I'm here, to put on a single sweet note to the end of the year...by paying a tribute to my teachers.
It may seem ridiculous...for the fact that I'd never ever done that for almost all of my years.
Because of one special teacher.
Not that the others were bad. Yes, I'd met unsatisfying teachers...but most were wonderful.
I know you must be wondering, ...then why?
Well, we were a very conventional bunch of people...and we don't express our feelings...that openly.
But, this very teacher showed me that we can be different, and it's still okay. In fact, it makes us feel good.
Miss Grace, you gave me a wonderful gift before you left.
Thank you...
And now here's my gift to you.
And my gift to each and everyone of the teachers who had taught me...be he or she good or bad.
Because you all had chosen to teach, even when we're at our worst moments.
Who're we to criticise you?
I'm sorry...and THANK YOU.

The teachers are...
Mdm. Leela
Mr. Leong
2 Ms. Tan(s)
Mr. Yap
Mr. Yeoh
Ms. Tan
Ms.  Ang
Ms. Goh
Ms. Teoh
...

Too many. You know who you're. And thank you!
You'll always be on my mind...because you're a part of me.
Your teaching built me as who I am today...and tomorrow.
I am who I am today...because of each and everyone of you.
THANK YOU.

A Second Chance. For me.

I've, again, violated my strict code.
But I simply must write this. I have absolutely no idea why the hell I wrote a post last night. Not to mention, a crappy and nonsensical one. Probably because it was midnight the time I wrote it. Since when had I become so 'alienated' from staying up late at night?
This post is inspired by Fluorish in Progress (yet again; I hope you don't mind that I 'steal' your idea--my bad), AND, another new blogger that I'd noticed at Fluorish in Progress 'Disqus' section--Tabitha.
I'm not going to write about my Joe...(because its going to take me a long time to write, and time is running out for me!Yes, I happened to have a time restriction in writing this posts)...but, I'm going to thank them for opening my eyes and thus gave me some reassurance.

I've come to a point where I'm at a crossroad of my life; suffice to say, I'm kind of worried that I'm making a wrong decision. It didn't help when I'd to read about a book(school syllabus) of a young boy who had make a wrong decision, and he ended up greying and dissatisfied. ( though, this is not the point of reading that book. I think.)
I'm SCARED. Especially when I'm uncertain of what to do with my life; my parents make it a point to decide for me. Come to think of it, even if I do have an idea, I suspect it might not be 'agreeable' to them. When the hell had it become so hard to choose? I used to be able to choose McD over KFCor vice versa according to my eating mood, etc. Now, I don't even know what my options are. I'm afraid, I would mess up my life by taking a wrong step, but I don't know if my parents idea is good after all, for me.

Then, a miracle happened. Both Fluorish in Progress and Tabitha chose this exact momet, correctly, to reveal their stories. In a way, they ARE my Joes. I might still not know what I want, but, at least I'm reassured that, no matter what, everyone DOES have a second chance. I might still be worried, but at least not trapped in a paralysing fear.

You guys, are wonderful. Thank you, guys!

I FAILED. Big time.

I promised myself that I'll never blog this year due to exams...but I surrendered. It first started with a peek at other blogs...then, without 'permission' to write, I suddenly turned into a big self-critic. I suddenly become very picky about my blog...and started customizing it.

Could you believe that I'd wasted a whole two hours doing just this? Of which could be better spent on studying. *Grimace*No need to chid me; my bad.

Oh well, what's done done. Might as well spend the remainding time admiring my finishing touches on the customization of my blog, which could probably give me extra jibes for studying. Tell me I'm right, please?

Anyways, what do you guys think of my 'brand-new' blog? It might not be very me, after all, I'm still searching for 'that' touch, which I still can't quite grasp yet. PLUS, I simply MUST REALLY STOP NOW. Time to study.

p/s. I AM still blogging-barred. Anyone could suggest how I could stop itching to blog?!

Growing up

I thought I am all grown up.

This past few years I had gone great distance to become who I am today. Or so I thought.

I have changed. Everyone admits. But much? All it takes is one about-to-be-made decision to reveal the truth. The saddening, disappointing and disheartening but non-rebuking truth.

I'm always dreaming of this, dreaming of that; fantatising one day I would be successful and independent.

But, now, even the being independent part I failed miserably; suffice to say, I shouldn't even dreamed of being successful.

But. I may be a coward, and yet I am also full of pride. Two weaknesses of mine, working against each other.  A pleasant surprise, I have to say. My pride won; for the better or for the worse, I don't know. But I'm certainly not about to back down.

Though I had to admit, I'm worried sick--how am I going to handle my life, the people away from home. To my utmost chagrin, I'm scared. Fear rattled my every nerves and bones. Curse my pride.

But I'm going. I'm leaving. For the better or for the worse, I don't care. Right now, I see a brighter future ahead of me. Life is not a crystal ball and thus it's uncertain, full of risk. But, like an investment--no risk, no gain. I'm willing to take that risk. Just as someone had said, if you take the challenge, you still could get a 50% success, if you don't totally, then you had already lost out 100%.

All in all, I don't know what this blog is. Self-motivation, or just a list of pros and cons ( uhhh...I had to say its not) for the sake of making clear my priorities? To change my mind? Like I said, I don't know.

But you know what? I'm clearer than ever about one thing. I know what I want. To be better. If I don't take my chances, I'm certainly not going anywhere for the better soon. This is my future, piling on top of this is my sister's, my family's future...suddenly I saw a bigger picture.

Thank you blog. For pulling off another unexpected stunt. Thank you. Now, I'm going to just wish myself good luck, and do it.

p/s. I'm blogging-barred currently. This is probably my last blog this year. I apologized for any inconvenience and disappointment. Sorry. Thank you for supporting this far.

Exam's Over...*gasp*

Phew. Finally, exam's over. Suddenly, I felt like I couldn't write a thing anymore. Not to mention, I seem to feel like I had been cut off from the whole world. A bit scary, I have to say. ( About not being able to write, NOT being cut off the world--I could use a break from peer pressure.)

Oh well. I think I'll talk about this one. I have just checked out the blog Fluorishing in Progress, and my, am I shocked to find out that her ideas had been plagarised since November. ( Plagarise means taking credit of people's work for your own.) Why? Pattrick, why? ( Yeah, he's a guy who spell his name with double 't's.)

Somehow, he made me think of the Patrick in Spongebob Squarepants. I'm not siding this guy--unfortunately, he had made a major mistake in stealing a writer's work; clearly, he doesn't know us, that we writers hated most about is someone stealing our work. He had crossed that forbidden line...as a result, he will have to pay for it. He is NOT getting off the hook, apparently.

It reminds me of my first day of school this year. Our teachers apparently had this 'thing' about plagarism. Which, again, reminds me of my high school year. How I used to kind of plagarise. You know, when you kind of get the writer's block, and then there's this reference essay in front of you that becomes more and more tempting every passing moment...While I don't really copy, ( I DO like being creative; as a result, I often spend hours writing an essay, trying to paraphrase the whole thing.) sometimes I get fed up, and just copy some part of it without quoting it. Just a tiny part, mind you That's still stealing. At that time, plagiarising wasn't a big thing in high school  Okay, these are excuses.

Now, I'm happy to say I don't. Plagarise, I mean. Which led me to think, that Pattrick's a sad guy. I'm sorry  Okay, but then again, I'm not sorry. If he'd a mind of what's good (like you DO realize that Fluorishing in Progress blog is real cool), then he should know that what he did is wrong. Seriously, is this guy so insecure about himself that he had to pretend to be like someone, hoping to be liked by others?

Pattrick: Be confident of yourself. Y'know, I used to think that I'm not good enough; what I write sucks. But I refused to be someone else; yes, I wanted to be liked, but not as others--its as myself! And it won't be that bad--hey, I got two followers now, that's not much, but its something! You'd better stop and make amends, because if you don't, all I can say is you're going down.)

(p/s. If I had offended anyone, in particularly, Fluorishing in Progress, I apologized profusely for it. Its just a thought. If you would like it removed, kindly informed me by commenting on my post. Thank you for your cooperation.)

I Feel Good.... =)

"That's the way, aha, aha, I like it, aha, aha..."

Yup, I'm singing this stupid song right now while writing this blog OUT LOUD...oh well, maybe not, (after all, I'm in a public place!) but it's definitely ringing in my ears!

2 more NEW people ( Kathy and SpitsFire) commented on my post; and make it a triple joy: I got another brand new follower! Gabrielle. Wonderful writer, just as is Kathy and SpitsFire. Read them!

Oh, ummm...I am sorry to say that this, besides being a gratitude post, is nothing much. Sorry. Yes, exams sucks. And I'm pulling out my hair because of it! Oh well, at least I got to relax a little through this blog. Thank you, blog!

And thank you everyone!

(Pardon me, a new song's coming up... "I feel good! (music) Like sugar and spice (music) I feeeeeeeeel nice! (music) Like sugar and spice..." And so it goes on revving up the whole household...or should I say racking?!)

Satisfaction is where you find it =)

Perhaps of my pretty lonely childhood, I have become a bit too obsessive. About practically everything.

I remebered after changing to a new school, I found my first true friend, to my absolute suprise and esctacy. The jubilant taste of victory...was sweet. The word, 'Aha!', was barely contained inside my lips; it almost slipped out of my mouth, and what a strong, esctatic sense of triumph I would have felt and welcomed, when the word was flinged to those who scorned at my capability, my so assumed stupidity. So long, fellas...

People don't usually understand me, especially the young me (they don't need to, now; they just know that I'm a piece of hardworkng machine which will worked to its utmost best at almost everything--there's an exception and its a general fact, so they say, which I don't agree...I always feel I could do better)...that what I want was pretty simple: a smile, a laughter, something that could made me laugh, relax, happy, at peace...but they don't get it; most of them want MORE. Maybe its because of my mom? Her policy was, evrything is okay as long as I do my best (she had to see the effort for verification!) and passed my exams, AND, most importantly, I behave. The others...doesn't matter as long as I'm happy.

Do you know that, the first day to school, I was absolutely enthusiastic and eager and happy? I was excited. I'm going to make new friends! And then, it shattered. I was soon the bottom of my class, and so I was stupid, and stupid at that time, was a 'disease that could spread'  (pardon the sarcasm) and so no one wants to befriend me. So the first year, I had virtually no friends. At all. None. Nil.

Slowly, I made friends with those victims like me. Later, with my mom working wonders, I climb up from the bottom, but I was still considered a low average: I'm not good enough. (Or am I just too weird? I don't get it. Till now, i still don't. Oh well, who cares? I don't now.) My mom offered to change school for me. I said no. I was afraid. Afraid that I would encounter the same problem. Afraid of coming to the realization that this world hates me. A miracle (I think its a miracle!) changed my fate. An unknown  feeling (worked by unknown powers) prompts me to say yes. And so a different page of my life begins.

Ahem...I'm being long-winded again. Ahh, and so my bliss of having found a friend. I poured my whole sincerity and efforts into the friendship, and in return, asked for the same. Little did I realize that my friend is just a normal friend; she does not feel the same way. My mom advised me; she told me not to get too carried away, not to expect too much. I don't care.

The truth, though, finally dawned on me. Jealousy reared up inside me. Fortunately though, the trauma from my childhood stole my self-confidence, and so I did not voice out my dissatisfaction. I struggled and battled my jealosy deep down. And so I still had friends, though not very close ones. Till now, I wonder what if...what if...

Being in an Asian country really nutures your ambitious edge. Finally progressing much better, I found myself craving more and more. Like now, my blog. ( To my utmost shame, this is actually the whole point of my blog. The above is just the side dish.) I craved for comments, or at least someone reading my blog--in means that I can know, and be all geared up and motivated once more.

As a result, I neglect that one thing that had been dominat in my long ago, young life. Satisfaction. Because I'm more ambitious now, I lost the joy that it had brought with it into my life. I began to forget...And now..." the struggle for memory against forgetting"...

Didn't the process of just updating my blog--writing--brought joy, that wonderful feeling of thrill into this very moment? Isn't this enough?

Though, I would still craved for comments...ahem...and supports in any form, but, even if I open my blog with none, I would still be happy and satisfied. Because I'm doing that thing that I will always loved. And this gave me life. Its enough. I'm happy. I loved it.

I read this somewhere..."Gold is where you find it." Its true...and just like this, satisfaction is where you find it. Good luck!

Seeing the bigger picture

During the weekend, I took a peek at this book (shown above). The first few sentence that I read screamed at me:
"Are you as tired as I am of books constantly telling you about doing your best to understand your parents, doing your homework, making curfew, getting a haircut, dropping that hemline, and blah, blah, blah?"
-- Jay McGraw, from the Introduction

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! This book's real COOL. Instead of launching into another boring old long, looong lectures, the author tells me what I want to hear, and what I don't, and suprisingly get it across to, of which some I vehemently agreed...and some somewhat reluctantly. It's true.

How many of us actually like studying?! Zero. Nil. We practically forced ourselves out of our comfy, warm bed every chilly morning, when our brains are screaming to get back, and dragged ourselves to school just to scraped through a half-day of teacher's droning. Not only us, (you have to admit this), even our parents had a fair share of tug-of-war during pre-school and 'debates' during high school. School days are tough. Of course, some of you who absolutely love learning, would deny that, but be sure I'm not one of you!

Let us face the reality though. We HAD to study. Yes, yes, the boring, same old story...our future depends on it. We may fed up with it all, but our future will still depends on it. We don't care about our future?! Let get this straight; we may HATE studying, but for most of us, our future matters!!! Who are we kidding?!

Just like the author said, we HAD to 'get it'; there are rules in this world, whether we like it or not. There's a system in this world that we can never defy. Can't beat them? Join them! It sucks, but its reality. For those of you...not convinced? Read the book. And good luck.

As he had said, you either get it, or you don't. See the big picture? ( By the way, this guy's a genius!!!!!!!)

They ain't heavy, they're my family

My family, would probably be much more different (and perhaps to some, strange) than most ordinary families. No, no, no, I shouldn't say that; my family is similiar, in most aspects, to any other families, yet, different, unique and special than them. For example, my mom would still nag me everytime and my sister would still always argue with me...but...for starters, I had never heard the likes of Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Black Eyed Peas, and etc., etc., until I reached my teens.

I wouldn't say they are narrow-minded (and they certainly are NOT); they just are not aware. They only knew about Cliff Richard, Elvis Presley, Elton John, Tom Jones (this is also a personal favourite of mine! He recently just did a stint on American Idol and I thought it's phenomenal!), Lionel Richie, Donna Summers, Olivia Newton-John, and etc., etc. I grew up with this bunch of old singers (and many more!), because they listen only to these. After I was much more exposed to a wider spectrum of the entertaining industry, they would still let me listen to some of their songs, though they were a bit turned off by some of the singers, like Lady Gaga for example (no offence to Lady Gaga's fans!!!), whose wardrobe choices were a bit too much, not to mention her rocking music could actually shocked one to the core. But, this is just typical of most parents I would think, and of course, they were still quite cool with the whole thing.

But, most importantly, they are my upbringing, my background, my values and role-models. Growing up with them taught me invaluable life-lessons, to appreciate every small things in life, to appreciate myself. They taught me to trust myself, to believe in myself, to love myself, and are always there every step of the way I tread. I am everything I am, because they loved me. They are my identity. I never had to fear of being lost, because I know they'll always be behind me, supporting me.

I can have many friends, but only one family. Thank you, everyone, for supporting me this far. I love you all. To bits. (If there's one) HAPPY FAMILY'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!

p/s. I don't know about you, but I always took for granted, everything my family did for me. And...(its shameful to admit this)...sometimes my pride, anger, and even irritation get the better of me...so I guess I do hurt them quite a bit. If you're like me, here's the time and platform for an apology or a gift of thanks and even affection. Is there any thoughts about your family, that you wanted to share with me? Join me in showing your appreciation towards your family today. Let's all make today a family day!

...disappoinment.

It tasted like a bitter pill.
I felt empty...and forlorn.
I did not make it after all.
My mind told me to be brave, to believe in myself, because nobody would, only me. But that's why it's hard. I'm tired of being brave. For once, I wanted to let go.
For once, I'm tired to act that it's okay, act that I think positively everytime, of any crisis(yes, it's a crisis here!), write a post that's says it'll be fine at the end of the day. Because it will not. It will stay forever in my mind, forever in my life, reminding me of my failure.
But...
...I can whine all I want, and it won't change a thing. In fact, I'll feel worse. Or I can think positively, and do something productive about it.
Yup, life is unfair. When I feel sad, I wished I could make everyone know and care that I'm sad. But, it's my problem, and nobody else, and nobody would care.
Yes, life is unfair indeed.
What about you? Have you felt for a time when you wish you could make that someone suffer because they make you suffer? And yet, you felt horrible and terrible afterwards for that kind of bad thought? Wanna share it?

About Me Round Three~Reminiscence

If you had checked out on my profile under the 'About Me' page, you would probably know that I had a childhood imaginary friend....ahem...friends. I wonder what kind of vocabulary you would think of now, to describe me. Weird? Psycho? Childish? Or no idea at all...just being stunned, speechless. Probably sprouting out of your mind is this, "What kind of childhood is this? To have to resort to imagination to forget the loneliness..." Pity, pity, pity.

If you think that I'm sorry about my childhood, then you're wrong. Sure, to say it had never affected me is completely untrue (I do realized I tend to crave for attention and acknowledgement, like now wanting you all to comment), but then again, I do realized that this is not an excuse. Especially when I realized that I'm not the only one who had a hard childhood. And to keep on dwelling on the past will not ever help my situation...I'm going to be always trapped in the same life if I didn't to something to change it...and my quest in this life is to be happy, to find meaning and a purpose in life, and to find success, whioch I will not be able to achieve if I did not break away from it.

But a childhood without friends is indeed lonely, and I chose to solve this problem by creating lots of lovely, encouraging friends. It started off with a simple and pure imagination of the characters in books I had read...and slowly, slowly, I fleshed out the characters using the power of my mind, adding an individual flavour, additional characters to each of them, and they turned out to be something very much different from the book.

Initially, I just act out the scenes in the book in my head. Then, I started to add additional scenes to it...(let's see if I can remember any, then I'll tell you about it in later posts)...but then, I needed a friend more than a character...and so they became friends (each still donning the character's face) that I confide to. And in my mind's eye, I saw them clapping, and laughing at every joke I shared, admiring me for my 'numerous talents' and adores me! Talk about being vain...

Someday, into the future, I might introduce them, one by one, in my blog. Till then, I'll just say I love them and still am! No matter what people says. Because they taught me experiences, life lessons, and most of all, gave me confidence and love. (My parents did a great job raising me too, by loving and caring for me, but, there are somethings friends give better to us, and similiarly, somethings parents give better than friends!)

LOVE YA ALL, besties!

You're beautiful =)

A few years back, I came across to an article in the newspaper. I couldn't exactly remember the title or all of its content, but I remember one thing it did for me: It gave me confidence in myself.

How many times have you been reminded of how lacking you are in appearance? Magazines...in fact, even ads in newspapers repeatedly crushed our self-esteem. So that avoiding magazines like Time magazine, Galaxie, and Vogue magazine, wouldn't even help.

Impossibly 'slim' women, beautiful, sexy, hot, and in anyway desirable, constantly allow us to be consumed by inappropriateness, insecurity and even guilt, even just after a normal bout of scrumptious food. We began to doubt out own attractiveness--we forgot that beauty comes from within.

In fact, do we even realized that some of the ads, all the beautifulness, the impossible gorgeousness is not reality? We had begun to be consumed by pressure from community and even become a slave of our own vanity, to the extent that, even our intelligence, our knowledge, our educated mind , failed to help us determine what is reality and what is fantasy; what is true and what is false.

Below is a youtube link which effectively illustrate this point:

Dove Evolution

At the end of the day, this post probably isn't much, as I too, am constantly insecure and in doubt of myself. But, I hope that this could wake, inspire, motivate and assure women (just as the article I had read did to me), to accept, appreciate and love their weaknesses and also admire and be sure of their own strengths. We, women, should love ourselves. Because...if even ourselves could not achieve that, who will love us? There are too many anorexics today (men including); you don't want to be a statistic.

And remember, 'You're beautiful because God HANDMADE you!'. Why be her/them (unreasonably beautiful women in the ads), if you could be YOU?! Please know that you are always unique, special and beautiful, by being yourself with a heart of gold.

Confessions: My 'Dr. Jekyll' vs. 'Mr. Hyde'

I hope I don't freak anyone out by saying this: I think I have DID ( Dissociative Identity Disorder)! Ok, maybe I'm over-exaggerating...everyone's supposed to good guy and a bad guy in their inner mind, right? Meaning, whenever there's a dilemma (espescially those that really test your morality), you get torn between making the right choice, that is being a saint, or, protecting your own self-interests (that is to put it more nicely of the fact that you're just plain selfish!). Yes? No?! Please don't freak me out in turn!

Honestly, (this is a confessing session, after all), I do. Feel like being selfish, being mean, I mean. ( Don't be terrified; it's not a psycho disorder DID--I was just blowing up the whole thing to pull your leg!!!). In fact, not feel LIKE, BUT, did it in the end! *Gasp*

It IS inborn in everyone of us (I am not being defensive!). Well, maybe not, I can control it if I want, but, there were times that I just don't want to. I'm not blaming anyone of accusing anyone...it's just I seem to feel that everyone will be trying to take advantage of me once I'm being a saint; I'm supposed to do these, do that; their responsibilities became my responsibilities and I AM TIRED OF THAT!

Though I confess that I, sometimes, too, take advantage of others. To relieve myself of the guilt, I like to think: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But, that's not true, because I'm punishing all the wrong people...all the nice, nice people...Yes, YES, I RaeAnn have NO GUTS; no 'backbone' (or so they say...is that even right? Too late, it IS right now), and cowardly as a chicken! Oops...my zodiac sign happens to be a chicken...no wonder; it's an understatement, alright!

In fact, right here, right now, I am going to share with you a very shameful story of me. I know that this blog probably won't change or help anything and she's probably even isn't there, but, this an attempt to redeem, to apologize and so if you're there...I'm sorry. Sorry. Very, very sorry.

(In fact, I'm so bad that I don't even know her name!) I'm so sorry. And I'm barely even seven, eight? that time. Here goes: I was in a tuition class and I guess I was quite popular in a way because of doing well there and thus being the teacher's pet. Most people wants to sit with me. There was this girl ( who I don't know her name! I will call her Andrea here.) She was very bubbly, friendly and eager to make friends with me. And I, I! a small child, could even know how to discriminate someone! She is of a different race from mine, and she's darker, and not too beautiful, and so I wasn't very keen to sit with her. However, I do not know how to reject her ( Thank God!) and so, I very reluctantly sat with her. And then, comes a beautiful girl of the name Nadia, who also wants to sit with me. I was overjoyed and I agreed enthusiastically. Unfortunately, there was not much space, and she had to squeeze into a real tiny spot, which made things uncomfortable. And so Andrea chided Nadia for that.

Andrea: Hey, go find another place!
Nadia: Who says? RaeAnn here doesn't mind!
Andrea: (an evil eye)
Nadia: What?! What right have you got? Don't forget, RaeAnn wants me here! Her parents are fighting cocks, so don't you dare cross her. She said it's ok then it's ok.

(Shamefully) I nodded my head. Vigorously. I wanted Nadia to sit beside me so much. I could see the hurt and dejection in Andrea's eyes, which immediately made me feel guilty, but I still stuck with my choice anyway.

There you go. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What's done, done, and my apology probably can't release her from the grudge. Yet, there's nothing I can do but apologized.

What about you guys? Here's the time for redemption. Please share with me your wrongdoings. Confess it. Apologize for it. Let us be released from our guilt. Maybe not totally, but, somehow a little bit. Go on. I support you!

(p/s: Here again I sincerely apologized to my wrongdoing in the past, if you're even there. I'm sorry. Will you accept my apology? Please do, don't crush me literally! If you can't, I understand but I REALLY hope you do...so that I know that I can have second chance...that I don't have to be trapped in this guilt anymore. Seriously.)

Why did it happened?

Norway  Attacks

The news, that shock the whole world to its core.

Reading that, all I could do was to sit there, all numb, staring into the space. Cold. Emotionless. Blank. I did not know what to think, what to feel. Ok, I did; there was and still is only one word in my mind. Why? Why?! WHY?!

68 people. 68 young people. All of them active , strong, healthy, with a passion burning strong in their heart. They have dreams, ambitions, goals to achieve; they have hope, ideas, thoughts to contribute to the society; all gone, gone, in the form of bullets. All gone in the instant when that spark of their life ended.

According to Norwegian laws, the killer would probably only sat in the prison for 30+ years. But is that enough? Will the pain and anguish of their parents be truly appeased?

Not long ago, I had supported and agreed to the Norwegian laws; to heal, to amend, to redeem rather than to punish. But now, I'm not so sure. Sure, we wanted him to pay for everything he had done, to punish him, but, does it make a difference? Will the dead be resurrected? Will the pain be truly and completely assuaged? I'm sure all of you are more aware of it than you are prepared to admit. And yet, to let him go, just like this, doesn't feel right. It does not give that warning, that exhortion that might, perhaps, stop future happenings of this kind. It does not avenge the dead.

And what happens after this? No one knows; emptiness, perhaps. Life's uncertain, and we should appreciate it while it is still in our grasps. There's nothing much we can do, but pay our condolences, pay our tributes and commemorations in memory of the dead. Let us pray for them, and continue to strive for our lives and dreams, just as they had when living and still wanting. Let us do whatever we can to contribute to the society and show to the world the power of youths.

Amen.

Technology...Rocks?!

Since I was born, I had been and still am a bookish sort of person. It was only recently that I had started to be exposed to all this new technology (so they are called) or to be more precise, had only started to 'pay some attention' to this new rages.

Don't get me wrong; I DO use the computer occasionally when I had to pass up assignments, or slide shows to prepare for presentations. In short, I knew how to type, albeit slowly; know how to control the mouse in real slow motion; know how to utilise the Microsoft Word, and Microsoft Powerpoint; besides knowing how to search for information available on the internet, though I often suffered the long, tiring hours of surfing the Net.

When school activities forced me to open an email account, and then a facebook account, (in order to prevent myself from being at the mercy of others to know when there is an activity, which could be inconvenient), I had a very much contradicting reaction/feelings towards them.

There had always been a love-hate relationship between me and my computer; I need it to finish my assignments, and not to mention, it does speed up my work a LOT...yet, there's a 'BUT' hanging in the air...when it goes into an override or a total blackout, all hell broke lose.Is it still any wonder I hate yet love my computer?

The email account was pretty much nothing as there are never anyone who would email me sweet let...ahem emails, and then again, BUT, I find it very convenient to save any unfinished work as drafts whenever I forgot my pendrive. To my utmost delight, I never had to worry about losing my pendrive. Facebook was another thing altogether. It is all very fine to receive latest news or even gossips from all your friends with just a click; however, I find myself attracted to facebook for a very different reason ( I hope you don't think I'm weird)--I simply LOVE the chatting session. Yup, that's right! You see, before I truly discover the real, true power in blogging, I found facebook first, which I realised gave me a space to finally WRITE (yup, WRITE, not VOICE) my thoughts out. Being face to face talking with someone wasn't fun for me; I don't seem to be able to find the same confidence in talking than I can in writing.

Unfortunately, in facebook, you're suppose to be brief, and as you can see now of my blog, I CAN be long-winded, and sometimes too much, and so I decided to try out blogging instead. The rest was history.

I still can't made up my mind about these new technologies ( though I really LOVE blogging), but, I certainly know I don't hate them! They are convenient after all, and you have to give them that credit!

So, what about you?

Random Thoughts

And so I was staring at the screen for ages, with my mind completely blank, not knowing what to write. ( I hate writer's block!)

*Sigh* Sometimes you could be full of ideas and thoughts that feel like bursting out of you, with your brain in an overdrive, reeling from the impact of all your ideas as they hit you one by one, until you seem to be gasping for breath. And as you struggled, and raced to pen it all down, or type it all down, to be more accurate, you just can't seem to be fast enough, and that wonderful idea or thought just slip away from the grasp of your brain...Oh, dang, I think I just forgot a good point...

Never mind. I think that was beside the main idea or thought that I am about to blog here. Oops...what was that main point again? Oh yeah, why I CAME to LOVE WRITING! Or decided to start a blog.

I have never had a journal before. It might seem quite strange to you, for a person to love writing so much, had never had written a word? Actually, I did wrote a lot of things, but none to reveal my everyday life, my feelings. Rather, I channeled all my feelings into every story that I wrote ( all of which unfortunately, were unfinished business); the stories became a shield which could protect me and yet allow me to freely express my feelings. I guess it was due to the insecurity that I faced towards my life.

Writing has always and will always be a means of escapadee for me, away from all the fear, and uncertainty, albeit a temporary one, and very strangely, it too was a thing which eventually help to gain back my confidence, though a slow process, but a successful process nonetheless.

Not to say hide or run away from problems, but to take a breather so as to be able to muster the courage to face again the reality, writing did just that for me. It tells me to take my own time, and so no longer intimidated by the enormosity of the whole whatever scary situation I am in, I felt more able to handle the whole problem.

Stories were written because I had always loved stories, especially when I was a child; be it fantasy, science fiction, or fairy tales, the characters had been my friends and aid me throughout my life. It were their experiences I draw on, besides mine, when I faced the crossroads in my life. They ARE my special friends and I love them all.

It never strike me once to start a diary or a journal, well, it did, but I had always waved the idea away, because it seemed to be too personal; being so exposed made me feel insecure. And so I chose to hide my feelings behind all the stories that I wrote; they were there, but not visible.

Now, however, starting a new blog is like a revelation; it's like finally, after all those years, I had finally dared to open up my heart, to trust people with my feelings, of which I considered most private, most personal, and also as a first sign of my own confidence. Of course, I wanted to find that one true friends or friends who believe, who understands, who acknowledge and most of all, who could relate with whatever that I had written here.

But, most of all, this blog is a place or platform for me to write about things that affects my life, things that are thought-provoking, things that I believe in and relate to, things that touch my heart...because very story, every blog gives that little something in my life. It reminds me why I am here, and why I should be here, and what I should do in my life. It might all adds up to nothing, of insignificance, but, no matter what, I had hope to inspire that number of people, however small...

BUT, MOST OF ALL, I wanted to remind myself, to motivate myself, to inspire myself, into action, into appreciating the simple things in life...and perhaps to sort out a little of that confusion and uncertainty in my brain.

I had hope this post did achieve that little something that I wanted to achieve....but, never mind, because I had, I think, inspired myself.

I do agree this seems to be a very much confusing post, but well...say hi to my rambling self!

About Me--Round TWO!!!!!! =))

I Like Me

I am not thin but not fat,
I am not beautiful but not ugly (I guess),
I am not wise but not ignorant,
I am not smart but no fool,
I am no saint but no devil (it's true!);

I like me because...
I'm just right.

Sometimes I feel sad but comforted,
Sometimes I feel tired but at peace,
Sometimes I feel frustrated but soothed,
Sometimes I am afraid but assured,
Sometimes I feel no one understands me,
and yet I am understood.
Sometimes I hate yet love myself.

I am self-contradictory,
but self-assured.

I am simple, I guess, in some kind of a way,
and I am loved and cared for and feel true joy...
And that's why I like me.

But, simply,
I like me because...
I am me! ( And that's as special as I can be!)

For your (Prenter) eyes only...

Dear Prenter,

Hi, Prenter. Thank you again, because, though I might seem confident to you in writing, but, in truth, I'm always doubtful about my own capabilities, especially my writing. YOU, gave me that extra boost to my self-esteem!
          I love reading your blog too (unfortunately, there were some that I couldn't understand because I'm not from Netherlands), 'Refuse to choose' were simply lovely. I can feel your passion, your enthusiasm, your optimism in everything you do, and in every part, everyday of your life! LOVE it!
          So, in short, GO GIRL!

Yours sincerely,

RaeAnn

(p/s: It IS real hard to post a comment. ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! Haha XP)

Finally...this day had come

A few days before today, I had just started my own blog, and then wrote my first blog.

Everyday, I went and open my own blog, with expectations, a  rapture, fervent hope burning within me...only to be crushed again and again. That disappoinment lodged deep in my throat; I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow, I couldn't think. Numb, cold, desolate. And even fear perhaps.

Then, today, TODAY came. Rountinely, I opened my blog and immediately was overwhelmed with a feeling of utmost pleasure, excitement, rapture, bliss, and most of all, gratitude. Today, suddenly, is filled with newfound hope.

Prenter. She is my follower, my newest drive and reason towards writing.

I do not think everything I wrote was good enough; but you, Prenter, made me realised one thing; it's that we, all of us bloggers are united with one thing...and that is passion in writing. No matter what we write, whether it is meaningful, or inspiring, or anything wonderful or just plainly nothing of the above...but we are always going to love writing.

And most of all, we are we; no one can be us, and that's what made us special. What we write defines us; its speaks of our identity, our dreams, our feelings and experience, and is filled with our very own essence.

Though it may seem that no one appreciates us, but, one day, someone will. Because we are we, and we are special.

Thank you, Prenter, for making me realised that. Thank you.

Writing Out Loud

Writing Out Loud

Here is a link I share with you-whoever is reading this:

http://writingloud.blogspot.com/

You have to read this. In fact, just read every posts she had. They are great, because they are inspiring...and they tell us why we should keep writing, or more accurately, blogging!
Enjoy.

Still blogging...to myself

Ok. I just changed my title...because I realised that this blog isn't just about me, its about writing! Ok, maybe it is , but I want to write about more substantial things...though I do realized that so far, my blogs have been personal, as I have been quite a sentimental and emotional person.
I've been following Writing Out Loud, and I'm can't help admired the blogger...because not only her writing skills are wonderful, but most importantly, they inspire, they motivate, they touch your heart and they are thought-provoking...I realized that I've a long way before I could be that good but I'm going to keep on trying and trying.
This is again a crappy blog, but I happened to realize it as a means for me to vent out my frustration, pour out my feelings, so that, at the end of this blog, I would feel rejuvenated and refreshing. Pardon my over-imaginative mind, if that's how you want to put it, but the day seems to look a lot better.
I WILL improve on my blog...BUT, unfortunately, if you want to follow my blog, you will still have to bear my incoherent, talking-to-myself piece of crap blogging! 'Coz they come as a package.
In the end, this is not much, but, it is to me. So, to whoever who's reading it, if you even exist, THANK YOU. =) ( And also thank you to my dear blog for 'listening').
p/s. By the way, could anyone of you give some tips on how to improve on my blog? Anything that could have help. Thanks anyway for being there. =D

About Me? =)

Hmmm...this is kind of nice...
For your information, I'm a very, VERY new blogger (maybe it shouldn't be, thanks to my sucky, amateurish writing?), so this is all very new to me. And I happened to realized that I had put my blog title as 'My Story', so inappropriate? On a second thought, maybe not~considering how I SHOULD introduce myself first to whoever's reading, if there is even one. *Sigh* Guess it's going to be tough one all right, to attract even one person to read my blog.
*Taking a deep breath* Well, I wanted to become a writer, so, this have to be one real obstacle I have to overcome! *Laughs* I know it would be very, very unprofessional and is a BIG no-no, but, YESSS...I'm practically on my knees begging you all to read my blog!
Ummm...not to mention that I have a chemistry test tomorrow, and I'm blogging here now, instead of studying ( What the hell is wrong with ME?!), and, on top of it all, I'm writing this crappy stuff that is so unuseful to everyone...
That's it. I'm going to stop writing this crappy stuff now, and start researching on some good stuff...So, right now, I'm going to say a BIG thank you to whoever's reading this, and then stop here. A very BAD ending of a blog, but I hope you don't mind! THANK YOU!
p/s: I'm going to write a lot of stories too, because I just LOVE stories, so hope everyone supports it!)