And so I was staring at the screen for ages, with my mind completely blank, not knowing what to write. ( I hate writer's block!)
*Sigh* Sometimes you could be full of ideas and thoughts that feel like bursting out of you, with your brain in an overdrive, reeling from the impact of all your ideas as they hit you one by one, until you seem to be gasping for breath. And as you struggled, and raced to pen it all down, or type it all down, to be more accurate, you just can't seem to be fast enough, and that wonderful idea or thought just slip away from the grasp of your brain...Oh, dang, I think I just forgot a good point...
Never mind. I think that was beside the main idea or thought that I am about to blog here. Oops...what was that main point again? Oh yeah, why I CAME to LOVE WRITING! Or decided to start a blog.
I have never had a journal before. It might seem quite strange to you, for a person to love writing so much, had never had written a word? Actually, I did wrote a lot of things, but none to reveal my everyday life, my feelings. Rather, I channeled all my feelings into every story that I wrote ( all of which unfortunately, were unfinished business); the stories became a shield which could protect me and yet allow me to freely express my feelings. I guess it was due to the insecurity that I faced towards my life.
Writing has always and will always be a means of escapadee for me, away from all the fear, and uncertainty, albeit a temporary one, and very strangely, it too was a thing which eventually help to gain back my confidence, though a slow process, but a successful process nonetheless.
Not to say hide or run away from problems, but to take a breather so as to be able to muster the courage to face again the reality, writing did just that for me. It tells me to take my own time, and so no longer intimidated by the enormosity of the whole whatever scary situation I am in, I felt more able to handle the whole problem.
Stories were written because I had always loved stories, especially when I was a child; be it fantasy, science fiction, or fairy tales, the characters had been my friends and aid me throughout my life. It were their experiences I draw on, besides mine, when I faced the crossroads in my life. They ARE my special friends and I love them all.
It never strike me once to start a diary or a journal, well, it did, but I had always waved the idea away, because it seemed to be too personal; being so exposed made me feel insecure. And so I chose to hide my feelings behind all the stories that I wrote; they were there, but not visible.
Now, however, starting a new blog is like a revelation; it's like finally, after all those years, I had finally dared to open up my heart, to trust people with my feelings, of which I considered most private, most personal, and also as a first sign of my own confidence. Of course, I wanted to find that one true friends or friends who believe, who understands, who acknowledge and most of all, who could relate with whatever that I had written here.
But, most of all, this blog is a place or platform for me to write about things that affects my life, things that are thought-provoking, things that I believe in and relate to, things that touch my heart...because very story, every blog gives that little something in my life. It reminds me why I am here, and why I should be here, and what I should do in my life. It might all adds up to nothing, of insignificance, but, no matter what, I had hope to inspire that number of people, however small...
BUT, MOST OF ALL, I wanted to remind myself, to motivate myself, to inspire myself, into action, into appreciating the simple things in life...and perhaps to sort out a little of that confusion and uncertainty in my brain.
I had hope this post did achieve that little something that I wanted to achieve....but, never mind, because I had, I think, inspired myself.
I do agree this seems to be a very much confusing post, but well...say hi to my rambling self!