Wednesday, 10 April 2013

About Me: Part Four

It's been a while since I blogged (again!), so I thought a little inside story of mine would be more worthy of everyone's here's the fourth installment to my life story! This time around, I'm going to write about those snatches and pieces of recollections I could still recalled and gathered from my vague memory...

Scene 1

Jealousy. YES! A five year old girl to have felt jealousy...horrifying! Though I'm slightly uncertain about the sequence of this piece of memory with the second one (which will be captured next), still I chose to write about this particular memory first as it was quite a fascinating (you have to admit) discovery.
So both my sister and I have this nanny, who left in that particular year, after my family decided to discharge her, confident that we (my sister and I) no longer relied on her care and also because it was no longer economically advisable to do so. I couldn't remember how long I had her for (probably 2 years?), and I apparently wasn't under her care since the day of my birth according to my family; but with my poor memory, it might as well been since I can remember, since I am able to form memories of my own, she had always been there. But that day was her final day. It was natural I'd grown attached to her, so I was feeling miserable as well at her departure, but thank goodness I'd the foresight (not sure if that's the right word for such a young me) to not make a fuss about the whole situation. Though fuss I did not, the resentment bit deep under my throat. And that's when the jealousy breezed in and struck my heart, hard. You see, my nanny had doted on my sister most affectionately and totally ignored me at the side, even though she's only three and obviously could not fathom what was happening around her while I was genuinely upset about my nanny's departure.
However, on a final note, I'm glad to say as the kid I was, I bore no grudge. I quickly forgot the whole incident when she finally did hug me goodbye. Kids are great like that. They fight, quarrel and get up to mischief, but in the end, always, they reconcile. They forgive and forget. Not sure if I could say the same for the old me now.

Scene 2

Love. It was my fifth birthday. Lots of food. Piled up on my table. And of course, not to forget, the biggest birthday cake I'd ever had in the eighteen years of birthday. Honest. You know how it's weird my family cooked so many things but I could never eat much of it and appreciate it! I couldn't even recall, not even in the tiniest bit, how the food, especially the cake, tasted like then! Imagine the regret I had to live with the rest of life!
Self-note: Will only prepare such a spectacular cake when, and if, I had children of my own, and that then they can learn to appreciate what good food is!
However, despite it was just food and a birthday cake ( it wasn't a birthday party), I could feel the love in waves surrounding me. I felt blessed, though I'm not sure the then me had even understood the feeling! But I apparently understood enough to lick the icing off the cake happily (AHA! I know what you guys are thinking.."it's your birthday cake, you're entitled to eat it however you want!", but there's one problem: the cake hasn't been cut yet!) I swear, it was an accident. Well, at first. I accidentally scraped off some of the icing when they were singing me birthday song and I was getting ready to cut my cake for ceremony purposes (with parental watch, and it was a plastic knife!!!). I glanced at my family, guilty and unsure what to do, smear it back. My family give me the green light to lick the knife (on cue, eewww!!! But hey, I'm pretty sure my family's gonna clean the knife!!!), which I did. Obviously, I found it delicious and proceeded to lick off the whole cake. But, as I say, there were parental guidance, hence I was stopped in time before the whole cake was ruined!
Another self-note: Always keep birthday cakes (or any cakes for that matter) out of reach of underage children, preferably kept in a glass case if to be placed in front of children!

Scene 3

Fun! Of course. What's childhood without lot's of fun? My sister and I simply loved dressing up! What's a girlhood like without dressing up? We even got our mom to buy us a miniature high heels for the sake of satisfying our own vanity. Talk about overkill! And then we had shouldered mom's old handbags, and spotted mom's huge face-covering sunglasses, and strut across the living room like a model on a catwalk. Talk about confidence! Wonder where had it all gone to now just when  I needed it most?
And of course, a girl wouldn't be complete without her makeup! Oh those times, how we silently sneaked into our mom's room and steal her box of colorful makeup! I remembered how I used to love those blushes, but I could never get it ( you know how Asians could never blush), and had over applied it on my face. And that was that gave me away! I was too vain to remove it, because that was why I put it on in the first place: to show it off to people. Unfortunately, I did not account for the fact that the 'audiences' that would probably  have the 'honor' to 'admire' my 'new found beauty' was probably only my mom.
Self-note: If (again) I have children, I must educate them about beauty. That their asset is their youth and they should appreciate their own unique beauty as well! Makeup is fun, and probably provide a boost of confidence, but ultimately your beauty is your foundation of strength! Learn how to enhance your strengths, but remember to embrace your flaws too, because they make you who you are. If you don't really like them, well change them! Don't just cover it makeup.

That's all for now. Have an awesome week, peeps! Adios! :)

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Hard work does bring fruitful results!!!

Ok, I admit. The title is a bit lame. And it rings off a gloomy premonition that the whole post might just be a flop as well.
But trust me. When I'd first realised that it (as in my whole title up there) could really happen, I couldn't believe it. It's not like I never believe it couldn't happen; I mean my parents had never failed to nag me to study because 'hard work brings fruitful results', forgive the pun if it even is a pun, and I'm pretty sure yours had done their fair share.
Well, enough of this blabbering which had been keeping you stiff in your seat (or rather confused and bored you) and straight back to the main reason for writing this post. Which is to share some quite delightful news with you.
I was working part-time as some of you may or may not know. In the beginning, I'd always felt clumsy and a burden to my other work colleagues. Well, practice makes perfect and this sentence is very true. Despite that, I always felt I'm still never gonna be good enough.
So when my manager had praised me on few occasion, I was pleasantly surprised, but was not greatly pleased, coz I thought he had just praised me out of encouragement and courtesy. So imagine my absolute shock and joyful excitement when I was awarded the employee of the month (despite the fact that there had been no money rewards!)!
I guess what had really satisfied me was the fact that eventhough I initially thought I was useless during this period of time, in truth I wasn't.
And what pleased me the most was that I hadn't felt I was particularly brilliant or on top of my job. all I did was just simply focus and put in every ounce of my attention and effort into my job at hand.
To top it all was also today when I'd open my blog the first time since my long hibernation and found someone still reading my blog! And at the very end, as a sweet note to that, was a person who commented to thank me for inspuring him/her.
You cannot possibly imagine my feeling anbd thought, now knowing that my writing finally did inspire someone! Inspire! Could you believe that?!
Anyway thank you so much to that person. Too bad he/she decided to remain anonymous so I will never get to know her. But I really hope that he/she will check back my blog and see this post to make some kind of reply.
Finally, just a great, big thank you to all of those who had supported me throughout my journey of self-growth and self-discovery. It had been truly magical.
Thank you.

Monday, 7 January 2013

Moving out of 2012 into 2013

Obviously, it's 7th January now, so it's not such a new new year now...but still, Happy New Year. And obviously, this year has not been such a happy new year for me, and of course, it is because of year 2012.
To be honest, I never held much good feelings towards new years, but those years hadn't been so...bad. Yea, it's true that they haven't been spectacular as compared to 2012, nor has year 2012 been an absolute flop in contrast...BUT 2012 certainly make me feel like that.
Now that I've begun putting down my jumbled thoughts into more organised words, I realised that it was because 2012 had been such an important year for me. It signaled the year of my supposedly maturity(which I sadly realised I'm not even close), marked the moments of my great achievements (which I failed more times than I succeed), and most importantly, to record the makings of a brand new me. But none of it happened.
Well, to allow myself a tiny space of assurance (guiltily), I did achieve a few, but in the first half of 2012. The second half had been an utter mess. I had allow myself to slack off too much, becoming too sure of myself, which naturally led to complete failure.
Now, in this new year 2013, I can only hope that I'll truly become better this time, and finally stop disappointing my family...