There's still no result yet. But here's my entry:
Hope in Blizzard (yes, I admit the name's crappy. Perhaps I'll change it later.)
The ice crackled like fire under my feet. Every step I took, it rustled like soft powder…Yet, the frost yielded such a bitter chill that it scalded my bare feet.
Like pin and needles, it stabbed, pricked and pierced into my tender feet. Unforgivingly, it seared through my soles and to the nerves, slowly but mercilessly scorching into my spine, burning into every fiber of my body.
Every step was an agony. The bitter, blistering chill was creeping slowly along my spine, seeping into it. Like molten lead, it flowed and glided slickly and cunningly, and, slowly like a snake it shrouded around every single nerve of mine and my spine, stiffening my whole body, locking my limbs.
Unconsciously, my body was hunching, and my limbs bent and numb. My joints screamed in protest, jarring my bones, at the slightest movement.
In the end, I had to shuffled, waddling as gently as I could. Every now and then, I paused for a small rest, slowly flexing my freezing fingers and toes, trying desperately to eke out some heat.
Above me, the raging wind whipped around me harshly, threatening to topple me, but I strongly and firmly trudged on. My ever-hunched body stooped even lower, as I attempted desperately to hide as much of my body as possible, away from the ice, the wind, the frost.
It was cold, so cold.
But…dangling from my arm, was a small tattered basket. A whiff of heat emanated softly but strongly, warmly soothing my freezing arm. An occasional sweet aroma of freshly baked bread leaked towards my nose, and it is these that egged me on, offering me a measure of comfort and warmth.
I slogged on, determined, firm, unwavering. Onwards, to my destination.
But…dangling from my arm, was a small tattered basket. A whiff of heat emanated softly but strongly, warmly soothing my freezing arm. An occasional sweet aroma of freshly baked bread leaked towards my nose, and it is these that egged me on, offering me a measure of comfort and warmth.
I slogged on, determined, firm, unwavering. Onwards, to my destination.
Lumbering on, my heart was blazing with a renewed vigor.
***
A few miles away, Katie Midland was waiting for her sister to come home.
“Katie, I…I’m hungry.”
A pair of doe eyes glanced at Katie, shone with guilt, shame, uncertainty, fear, and misery. The thin, emaciated Angie was racking with pangs of hunger, but there was nothing Katie could do to help her.
“Angie, I’m sorry. There’s no more food.”
A whimper escaped from Angie’s lips before she could restrain herself.
Never had Katie felt so helpless before in her life. Her heart broke every time she laid her eyes on Angie’s wasting, withering figure. But there was nothing she could do.
“Come on Angie. Let’s wait for Sara. She’s coming back with food…”
Hopefully. Katie prayed fervently for Sara’s return with food. There’s our only hope. She wrapped herself around Angie’s withered body, desperately hoping for the best, yet bracing herself for the worst.
***
Soon. Soon I will be home.
My muscles squealed with a throbbing ache as I forced myself to take a few more steps. The cottage swam shakily into view, and I blinked my eyes a few times to make sure that it was still there.
Gritting my teeth, I trudged on painfully, and slowly, painstakingly, the cottage grew bigger in my view.
A few more steps. A few more steps. And then, I will be home.
Sluggishly, I coaxed myself towards the cottage.
***
Katie heard a soft thump outside the door. Her heart lurched.
Swiftly, she opened the door.
Lying face down on the ground was Sara, almost covered with snow, until Katie could hardly make her out, if not for her black ear flaps peeking out. And her basket of food, of course.
“ANGIE!!!”
That night, the forlorn cottage was filled with laughter and hope.
THE END
Okay, I agree that it's probably not much...as I wrote it in one day! And I most probably won't win, as there're more experienced teen writers out there.
Anyways, I WANT your feedback. Whether it's good or bad, I want the truth...and how I can improve further on my writing.
Feel free to dare me with your criticisms!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think the convos need more depth.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that I'm too dumb.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean? What should I do?
Thanks!
a. you are not too dumb, stop disparaging yourself.
ReplyDeleteb. it takes time to develop skills whether its writing or cooking or anything.
c. always re-write if you are in doubt.
Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI was running out of time, and on a strict word count, so did not re-write.